My experience with an EATING DISORDER.

Hey all my beautiful readers, I hope you are enjoying what I am producing so far, I am here to spread positivity and hope that it may help someone.

Thought i would just add that little bit in there just because… anyways back to the blog.

Today’s blog entry, following my mental health series, is going to be on my experience with an eating disorder – anorexia & binge eating.

I cant quite remember when this all perfectly started, but i do remember some thoughts on the matter and almost how it started.

When I was 15/16, i had a bad school life, i never felt i was not being bullied in some way or another, i was always the girl who was picked on, which led me to always looking at others and wishing i was them.

I was NEVER EVER good enough for anyone, and especially not good enough in my own eyes, this is when the problem kind of started going through my brain.

I always looked at some girls and thought whys my stomach not as flat, why don’t i look good in the dress sense like they do, why doesn’t my skin look so healthy why cant i pull of anything like they do. CONSTANT THOUGHTS, CONSTANT DRAINAGE.

This led me to believe that the only way I wasn’t is because the food i was eating,wasn’t good to make me that way. I was slightly chubby at this age, was a bit of a serial slacker – which i think to my own belief now was because i was hurting so much.

I used to hang around with this girl and we would always go this cafe for lunch, and one day i thought no i wont eat, I’ve had breakfast so thats enough for today. I tortured myself by watching her eat every single piece and just the smell was going to get me through.

I kind of started this for a few weeks, probably months, never thought anything about it. I started the gym next, so I wasn’t only going to be restricting what i was eating but also now adding in exercise which at the time i thought why not do this and this will make me look like all of them FASTER!!.

Boy was i wrong, i never really saw much results, in my eyes anyway. But to someone looking in was this small petite girl who was getting thinner and thinner, iller and iller by the day.

I at the time had then started, swimming every tuesday, running most days, doing ab exercises, walking everywhere i could, step count was stupid, but I wasn’t eating that much.. I don’t actually think i came out of this for years, because at the time i was just told aw just at, eat more, come on Amy just eat. But someone who was covering there emotions with this and no one seemed to even think twice that this could be an eating disorder.

I kind of had to learn myself just to ease off a bit, just to relax a bit more, over the years i was then told I had nxiety with stress, depression and suffering symmetrical and ordering ocd.

So there again the eating disorder was never brought to life.

UNTIL 2.5 years a go i started this management job, which i then ran myself into the ground and it was then that people noticed by bones peaking through, i played with my food more than i ate it and my meals consisted of 2 large bottles of lucozade.

That was when i got told oh you may have a bit of an eating disorder, i then let like finally someone can see my pain.

I then started my journey… to recovery…..